The New Gladiators Review

MPAA Rating: NR
Released: 1984

The New Gladiators was an early 80's sci-fi post-apocalyptic flick by Italian director Lucio Fulci, better known for his gory horror movies such as the infamous Zombie. Pushing aside his trademark nudity and gore, Fulci actually tries his hand at creating a story-driven film that depicts a future where two rival television networks are wrapped in a constant ratings battle to capture the hearts of a bloodthirsty society. In an effort to up the ante of violent programming, one network devises a new show whereby violent criminals would be entered into gladiatorial games reminiscent of ancient Rome. To the victor, a pardon; to the losers, death.

Lucio Fulci is one of those directors many people either love or hate. An ability to stomach cheap Italian B-movies is certainly a requirement to get into his work, which is why he turns off most serious movie fans. But for those seeking out guilty pleasures, he can actually deliver the goods… sometimes.

I approached this review with a certain level of trepidation, because my brain was still hurting after having witnessed Conquest, an abomination that earned the dubious honor of being the first (and perhaps only) film to receive a rating of one on this site. But I figured everyone is entitled to a mistake, so into the trenches I headed again with hopes that his foray into sci-fi would be more successful than his pathetic sword-and-sandals trash.

The story takes place in 2072, where war has run rampant for decades and violence has been embraced by society. The thirst for blood has even pervaded television, which is now controlled by two major networks: the Seven Seas Network and World Broadcasting Systems. Kill Bike is Seven Seas' most popular show, featuring motorcycle-riding combatants fighting it out in an arena.

In order to win back the ratings, WBS devises a show called the Danger Game. In this show a contestant is hooked up to a computer that will invoke ultra-realistic illusions of the contestant being tortured or slowly killed. If the contestant panics, he loses and walks away with no money.

Pretty grisly, eh? Not for audiences of the future! The new show is a failure because audiences realize that despite the graphic illusions, no one truly gets hurt on the show. They want blood… real blood!

Cortez (Claudio Cassinelli), head of programming for WBN, sets into motion another game show that will give the audience what it wants and dominate the ratings: Battle of the Damned. In this proposed show, convicted murderers condemned to die will be placed in an arena to fight it out among each other until one ultimately prevails; that one survivor will be granted a full pardon.

To make people watch a true public hero is needed, and Cortez has just the person: Drake (Jared Martin), the current champion of the rival network's Kill Bike show. The problem is the show pits convicts against each other, so Cortez must frame Drake for a serious crime, which leads to one of the oddest scenes in the movie when a trio of whistling men slowly advance towards her and eventually kill her. It's really much more twisted than it sounds – believe me – surreal would almost be a suitable description.

Anyhow, Drake returns home to see his wife murdered and kills the three intruders, earning himself a trip to death row and a spot on Battle of the Damned. This is about the halfway point of The New Gladiators, and up until now it was a pretty entertaining movie. The premise is ultra-cool and satirical jabs at society and television networks are flying left and right.

A shame it couldn't last…

From the time Drake is captured and held captive until the final battle, The New Gladiators loses any momentum it had as it plods along. Sure, viewers will see the appearances of Italian B-movie regulars such as Fred Williamson and Al Yamanouchi, but even with their participations and some plot twists the movie loses its focus and efficient pace.

Those who recall my Conquest review will remember that one of my major beefs with the movie was the ever-present blanket of fog that stopped us from being able to see anything through the haze. I'm glad to report that there is no fog in this film; instead it has been replaced… by darkness!

The first half of the film is dark but bearable, but during the second half it seems like someone forgot to pay the damn electric bill! I realize that darkness is an efficient way to hide cheap sets and special effects, but call me crazy… when I'm watching a film I actually like to see the actors! During the final confrontation between Drake and Cortez the darkness became particularly obnoxious; the lights within the headquarters pulsed on and off, so one moment you would see an actor in an ugly red lighting and the next you would see pure black on the screen. Over, and over, and over… bleh!

Word to the wise, future directors, when your viewers are squinting at the screen trying to see anything beyond your blankets of darkness, having your characters say lines alluding to darkness like…

Monk: Yeah, about a minute ago I saw a guy run out as I was coming in. If it hadn't been so dark…

… is akin to rubbing a dog's nose in his own manure. Except in this case, the dog wasn't even responsible for the mess!

If I were infused with a potent blend of egotism and paranoia, I'd almost imagine Fulci was trying to provoke me with his constant trashy cinematography. Leave it to him to take a wonderful premise, get it off the ground with a great start and then totally blow it.

I love futuristic films that depict violent game shows, but I think for now I'll stick to The Running Man or the original Rollerball. Because The New Gladiators was not all bad, and has an intriguing plot with moments that do pay off, I can recommend it for fans of these types of films. If you can stomach the weaknesses, you'll find some merit.

But ultimately the failings of the second half of The New Gladiators override the coolness of the first half, so the final rating is going to be below average. But Fulci fans need not feel too badly when they see it… at least this Fulci film earned more than one star.

Movie rating: 4 stars

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