Return To Horror High Review

MPAA Rating: R
Released: 1987

Return to Horror High is a late-80's horror-comedy that has become a curiosity due to the inclusion of an up-and-coming George Clooney as part of the cast. Although watching an actor that has become renowned for suave roles such as Oceans 11 play a part in a cheap horror flick is an interesting occurrence, the real significance of the film is that it laid down the groundwork for Wes Craven's famous horror-spoof, Scream.

Crippen High School was devastated by a series of grisly murders in the year 1982, and to make matters worse the killer was never found. Fast-forward to 1987, where the crew of a low-budget film company, Cosmic Pictures, have decided to enter the abandoned halls of the former crime screen to create a film adaptation detailing the shocking facts of what really happened five years earlier. But as they start shooting the movie, people begin disappearing. Is the old murderer roaming the halls once again, or is there a copycat on the prowl?

Return to Horror High follows the 80's slasher formula (creative deaths, gallons of blood and gratuitous nudity), but it does so with a blatant irreverent and mocking tone. This satiric vibe most often comes out when the personalities responsible for creating the adaptation bicker about the direction their film should follow. Harry Sleerik (Alex Rocco), the producer, is your typical sleazy B-movie producer that has no false illusions about the audience he's targeting, whereas Josh Forbes (Scott Jacoby), the director, believes in artistic integrity and crafting a legitimate film.

Josh: He's a cop.
Harry: Just what you need.
Josh: I need an actor, Harry!
Harry: This is better! This is reality. Think of the publicity.
Josh: Think of the bad scenes.
Harry: Bad scenes, good scenes… publicity gets them into the theater.
Josh: But they're going to hate the movie!
Harry: Not if you give them more t*ts and blood.

Yep, Harry knows exactly what B-movie horror fans want, and he dishes it out with reckless abandon in Return to Horror High. A victim is torn apart with the killer's bare hands, another is axed, another is killed by a sandbox (!?), a fellow is slaughtered by an industrial fan, a plump dude is dissected like a frog… you get the idea. Blood will flow aplenty.

Harry: Two girls talk about love, marriage, babies…
Writer: Babies?
Harry: Yeah, make it poignant. Redeeming. You know, life is wonderful crap. Give it a lot of hope.
Writer: Hope.
Harry: And set it in the locker room showers so they're naked.

Don't worry B-movie fans, Harry (and the real director and producer of this film) doesn't disappoint in the gratuitous T&A department either. Return to Horror High almost goes out of its way to present a couple of scenes whereby skin can be shown… not that most genre fans will complain, of course.

Before this review starts sounding too positive I should balance it with some of the negatives that exist. First, giving George Clooney top billing in this film is deceptive advertising on a grand scale, for his part in this film is minimal at best. Yes, it's kinda cool to see his early role in this type of film, but he's not a highlight of the film as some may initially expect.

Second, since Return to Horror High is a horror-spoof you can expect more amused eye rolling at the often effective satiric jabs taken at the genre than you can flinches at tense moments. Quite simply, there is nothing scary about this film whatsoever. If creative bloodshed is enough, you might enjoy this film, but if edge-of-your-seat tension is a requirement for your horror flicks you may want to take a pass.

Scream was applauded as the savior of the horror genre during the 90's for both its intense moments as well as its overall satiric overtones. After watching Return to Horror High you will see that Scream was not nearly the innovator as some critics would have you believe, because Wes Craven clearly took inspiration from (aka ripped off!) elements of this movie. Even the killer's mask and outfit during a particular scene looks suspiciously familiar.

That isn't to say that Return to Horror High is better than Scream; it's not. This film was ahead of its time and had some impressive sharp verbal exchanges as well as interesting ideas, but it also had a far lower budget than the compared film, plus the script and direction of the film becomes iffy at times.

Writer: I wanted to do a psychological thriller.
Josh: You call this psychological? This is blatant abuse of the audience!
Harry: What abuse!? Everyone loves a good gross-out!

All in all, Return to Horror High fails miserably as a pure horror, but rises to the level of average due to its satirical elements. It's not a film that is essential for any horror buff, but it is a cool and obscure slice of 80's tongue-in-cheek horror that can provide for 90 minutes of light entertainment.

Movie rating: 5 stars

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