Evil Clutch Review

MPAA Rating: R
Released: 1988

Evil Clutch was a gory Italian horror film that depicted a young yuppie couple in the Swiss Alps that stumbles across a witch with the power to make the undead do her bidding. While Evil Clutch was clearly inspired by the horror classic Evil Dead, it abandons its predecessor's comedy in favor of a darker tale, both atmospherically and literally.

Before I begin the official review for Evil Clutch, please humor me as I provide a pop quiz. Ready? Let's go:

What one Italian profession is more dangerous to a person's health than an Italian gangster?

The answer? An Italian movie director, of course! Now if that sounds a bit farfetched to you, then I dare you to watch Evil Clutch and prove me wrong.

I inadvertently rented this film from Netflix recently since it was released as part of the Toxie's Triple Terror Collection – Volume 2. Anyone familiar with Troma knows that this movie studio is remarkably adept at producing cinematic trash that is so bad you can almost actually like it, as opposed to Evil Clutch, which was so bad not even the village idiot can enjoy it.

As Evil Clutch opens we see a young man walking through some shaded woods. And walking… and walking…

Eventually he reaches a wooden shack where a woman named Arva (Elena Cantarone) is sitting on the floor, batting her eyes at him seductively. The two of them begin to get frisky, but then Arva ruins the mood when she launches a furry, clawed arm from her crotch and impales the hapless lad. Man, and they say Russian women are tough!

We're next introduced to Tony (Diego Ribon) and Cindy (Coralina Cataldi Tassoni), a honeymoon couple exploring the serene Swiss Alps. They come across a woman frantically waving them down by the side of a road, whom we come to find out is none other than our secret-weapon toting friend from the previous scene: Arva!

Arva points to a nearby cemetery and begs Tony to investigate it, claiming someone there attacked her. Being the dunce he is, he agrees. Tony roams around the empty cemetery, but sees no trace of anyone or anything out of the ordinary. But just as he's about to leave he inexplicably begins bobbing, weaving and sidestepping the camera like a champion pugilist. And I do mean the camera – nothing was there! Perhaps he realized what a stinker Evil Clutch was turning out to be and hoped to lose the cameraman before things got out of hand.

But alas, the determined cameraman stuck to him like a fly on dung, so he's forced to return to the car and continue on with this movie. The two sweethearts agree to drive Arva to the next town up, but when they get there they find it virtually abandoned. The only resident of the village is a weird author that speaks through the use of an electronic vocal device.

When Arva notices him, she flees into the woods like she just saw a ghost. The two others strike up a conversation with him, though, where be begins to tell disturbing tales about evil dead munching on people in the nearby woods. Intermixed in his story are some interesting lines such as, "Do you really think that you're so far from horror?" Now I don't know exactly what that question is supposed to mean, but it sounds kinda cool.

Tony and Cindy become about as disgusted with his stories as I did with the film, so suffice it to say the mood is pretty grim all around. They head back to their car and leave the demented old coot behind, striking out for the great Swiss forests. Pulling to the side of a road far detached from any manner of civilization, they start preparing some camping utensils when all of a sudden that quirky writer drives up on a motorcycle and starts reciting more bloody stories!

As to be expected from any self-respecting horror movie characters, Tony and Cindy ignore his warnings about the dangers of the woods and strike forth into the great outdoors. There they stumble across Arva once again – what a coincidence, eh? Anyhow, she also states the outdoors is a pretty dangerous place and convinces them to join her for the night in an abandoned house nearby.

During the evening Arva tries to seduce and kill Tony and partially succeeds since some tree roots or tentacles take hold of him when he's rolling around on the ground. I thought they were tree roots, but they bled when cut so who knows for sure. Anyhow, before the roots or tentacles can choke Tony to death that mysterious writer reappears, chops the roots with an axe and frees him.

While Tony scampers away back to the house, the writer confronts Arva, who he knows to be an evil witch. She attempts the claw-out-of-the-vagina routine with her new foe, but apparently he's been around the block a few times before with Italian women because he anticipates her little stunt and chops the clawed extension off with the finesse of Loreena Bobbit.

Well, her crotch rocket may not have worked, but she still ends up kicking the writer's ass anyways, making him one of her undead. Now her and her undead will have a final confrontation with Tony and Cindy.

So just how bad is Evil Clutch? Well, if the crotch-propelled arm wasn't weird enough for you, you'll also witness such delights as a cuckoo clock that belches blood upon striking the hour, a zombie that uses a fishing pole to reel a victim in by her cheek (ouch!) and more!

The two main stars aren’t any better, so if you're expecting rational behavior from them then think again. For example, a zombie removes Tony's two hands by smashing them with a boulder. So what does Cindy do when he returns to the house, waving his bloody stumps around while howling in pain? She offers to get him a cup of water! Somehow given the circumstances, I think thirst is the laaast thing he needs to worry about.

The cinematography in this film bites. I mean… reeeaaally bites. Much of the film is shot in shadowy forests and the black of evening, which is a great atmosphere for such a film. The problem is the director didn't pay any attention to lighting, so there are quite a few scenes that are so damn dark that you can't see a thing!

But I won't ignore Evil Clutch's one strength: its gore effects. I'd have to guess the whole budget was spent on gore, gore and more gore rather than unimportant aspects such as quality actors, sharp cinematography, a fluid script, etc.

As I mentioned in the introduction, it's clear that Evil Clutch was inspired by the vastly superior Evil Dead, even down to the heroine grabbing a chainsaw to mete out some retribution on a zombie. But this isn't a clone, and you won't find any sharp wit or ultra-cool acting (Bruce Campbell is a legend!) here.

I think it's clear by now that this movie is horrible, yet despite all its faults fans of bad horror movies might actually want to give this one a try. I wouldn't say it falls fully into the "so bad it's good" category, but Evil Clutch is definitely a quirky curiosity that you don't see everyday.

Note: This movie is available on DVD only as part of the very affordable Toxie's Triple Terror - Volume 2 movie collection.

Movie rating: 2 stars

If you enjoyed Evil Clutch you may also find the following films to be of interest:

• Evil Dead 2
• Night of the Demons
• Waxwork

Enjoy the Evil Clutch experience in the comfort of your own home with these products!

DVD

VHS

Other Resources:

• Evil Clutch IMDb Page

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