Bronx Executioner Review

MPAA Rating: NR
Released: 1989

On paper, Bronx Executioner should have been a decent little sci-fi B-movie. Here's the description provided for the film:

In this sci-fi thriller set in the future, humans find they must band together with robots to battle a set of unruly android gangs that have begun to take over New York City. In particular, the local sheriff is paired up with a massive and erratic robot, with whom he must learn to get along in order to save the city.

Sure, it sounds good. But as the Feature Attraction will show, words can be deceiving…

Italian B-movie directors possessed a certain fascination with the Bronx, because for whatever reason it seems all of their futuristic post-apocalyptic films took place in this single region of the city. 1990: The Bronx Warriors. Escape from the Bronx. And now… Bronx Executioner.

It's the future, and robots have evolved far beyond the little circular vacuum cleaners and Lego mechanized toys that we have today. In fact they are created in such a manner that they are absolutely indistinguishable from humans. There's just one little problem: two different lines of these robots are flawed, because they somehow have been endowed with a sense of emotion. These flawed groups are called the humanoids and the androids.

While the promo snippet I pasted above may make it sound like one or both of these groups would turn against humankind much like the machines in the Terminator, such an assumption would be wrong. Truth be told, I counted three actual humans in this movie – total. In reality the humanoids and androids are engaged in a vicious gang war, and all the humans (or more accurately, the single sheriff) must do is ensure the violence remains contained within those two groups.

Amidst this backdrop, a man named James (Gabriele Gori) seeks to become the next sheriff, for his predecessor known as "the black man" (Woody Strode) is getting pretty up there in the years and will need to step down soon. The deep thinkers among you are probably wondering why the current sheriff is dubbed the black man. Does he harbor dark intentions? Does he dress all in black? Well… no. He's the black man because he's an African-American, simple as that.

Oh, don't worry – he doesn't mind being called the black man, in fact he encourages it:

Black man: My name's Warren, but everybody just calls me the black man.

Black man is skeptical about James' ability to handle the role of sheriff, but he puts him through some rigorous training anyways. Normally these types of scenes fail to disappoint – heck, the Rocky series was almost built on watching the underdog train for his ultimate challenge. But Bronx Executioner can't even get this near-certain formula right; the training scenes are boredom defined and consist of little more than James running through a gauntlet of potato sacks and hanging from an iron bar as black man raps the bar with a stick again and again and again…

Meanwhile, the leader of the androids, Margie (Margit Evelyn Newton), decides to strike out at Drakar (Alex Vitale), the leader of the humanoids, by having one of her henchmen rape his girlfriend, who happens to be a real human. And no, Bronx Executioners didn't get this right either.

Although the woman's shirt is ripped open so viewers are provided a quick flash of breast, none of her clothes are actually removed. Nor is the android's. He basically dry humps her fully clothed form for a couple seconds, "expends" himself (though I'm not sure how, since he's a robot?) and gets up. Then she's shot. And we're supposed to believe that she was violated. Uhhh… yeah.

Now I'm not suggesting that a horrifying and explicit rape scene should have been shown on film, because they can be tough to watch and too many movies use them gratuitously. But if you insist on filming one, either cut the camera quickly like many directors do and let the viewer draw his own conclusions, or shoot the scene right! This lazy approach to the scene looked downright idiotic, especially when the robot growls "Spread your legs!" What the hell will that do when you both have your pants on!?

Anyhow, black man decides to let James become his successor (big shock there, huh?), Drakar approaches James and begs his aid in taking the evil android Margie down, he accepts, they all have a final showdown. End of movie… thank goodness!

When I call Bronx Executioners a lazy attempt, I'm insulting all the couch potatoes out there. Director Vanio Amici didn't even try to create a real movie here. The movie supposedly takes place in the Bronx, and the opening credits reinforce this fact as the camera swoops around the cityscape (it was stock footage though… boo!). Yet the entire movie takes place anywhere but the city. Most of the scenes are in decrepit factories in the middle of nowhere, quarries and dirt roads – but definitely no city. So why the heck was this film called Bronx Executioners? I couldn't tell you.

The acting was abominable. The action scenes are as lifeless as Ben Stein's monologue. And the special effects look more primitive than a game of Pong. Truly, we have hit the depths of mediocrity here.

But the worst crime Bronx Executioners committed was using large quantities of stock footage from a 1984 movie called The Final Executioner. Remember our buddy "black man?" Well, Woody Strode wasn't actually in this movie. Sure, he gets billing for it – but all of his scenes were stock footage from his performance in the aforementioned 1984 film. You will never see a close-up of Woody's face in the same scene as Gabriele Gori; at most you will see the back of a body double when the two share an actual frame.

I understand that B-movie directors with horribly low budgets must resort to taking shortcuts from time to time, but basing a good portion of your movie off stock footage of another with re-dubbed vocals is pathetic! If a high school student pulled such a stunt, he would have received a bit fat F on his report card.

And so shall this poor excuse for a film…

Movie rating: 1 star

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