American Ninja Review

MPAA Rating: R
Released: 1985

If you are an 80's popcorn flick connoisseur then chances are good you'll walk away with a fine appreciation for American Ninja, an action-packed extravaganza that offers nothing but good old fashioned cheesy fun. When armed rebels, a band of ninja and some rogue U.S. military officers target Michael Dudikoff for elimination, they discover that it's not wise to cross a black belt versed in the dark arts of ninjitsu.

Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff), a silent soldier with a mysterious past, is assigned to a U.S. force stationed in the Philippines. His first duty is to join an envoy that has been tasked to protect some military hardware that is being transported as well as the Colonel's daughter, Patricia Hickock (Judie Aronson), but along the route some armed rebels ambush the envoy. Apparently this is a regular occurrence in the Philippines, and while the commander of the mission, Rinaldo (John LaMotta) is quite satisfied to allow the rebels to take control of the loaded vehicles without putting up a fight, young Joe has other plans.

Like a one-man army, Joe punches and kicks his way through the entire posse as if they were toddlers armed with baby rattles. Cheesy and unrealistic you say? No, wait, there's a perfectly good explanation… he's a black belt in ninjitsu, the art of assassination! Ohhh, alright… so maybe it is a little cheesy.

Once the convoy appears to be safe and secured, a new danger springs forth from the jungles alongside the road: a band of black-clad ninjas! I kid you not. By now of course the American soldiers are fully armed with machine guns, but that doesn't stop this ninja band. They dodge the hails of bullets with ease and wipe out most of the envoy, but when the ninjas direct their attention to Joe they find out he's a force to be reckoned with. He can deflect arrows with a shovel handle and fight off hoards of attackers single-handedly, but when the flighty Colonel's daughter strikes off for the jungles all by herself he must instead direct his attention to her and lead her to safety.

Black Star (Tadashi Yamashita), the leader of the ninja force, is annoyed when he sees an unknown American making fools out of his band, so he demands information:

Black Star: Who is he?
Rinaldo: I don't know. He's a new recruit. I don't even know his name.
Black Star: He possess great skills.

Ding! With that cliché-ridden exchange we have upped the cheese factor to even higher heights. So anyways, Patricia is tripping all over the place and having difficulties evading her pursuers due to her inappropriate dress. Something about high-heels and sprinting a marathon through a mucky jungle doesn't mix. Joe comes up with an easy solution: cut the heels off so she can run to safety. Does she appreciate his efforts? Nooo…

Patricia: Don't you touch my shoes. I hope you're going to Italy to get me another pair because these are my designer shoes…You are crazy, you know that? These are my favorite shoes."

Let's see, she was just in the midst of a vicious firefight and a ninja band made mincemeat of the envoy and is now determined to do the same with her, but Joe is crazy for being less concerned with her shoes than their lives? Someone's crazy, and it's either that gal or me for actually enjoying this nonsense.

The two eventually escape but instead of thanking him she finds new opportunity to complain:

Patricia: Look at my hair, it's a mess! Do you have a comb by any chance?

Goodness gracious. This girl really has her priorities mixed up, but I suppose to her credit she was pleasing enough to the eyes. A deaf man would very likely find her to be a real prize.

Anyhow, after escorting the airhead home he returns to base, only to find that his troop blames him for the deaths of their buddies during the ambush. One in particular, Curtis Jackson (Steve James), decides to provoke a physical confrontation, so Joe does what any red-blooded American ninja would do: he kneels on the ground, places a bucket over his head and proceeds to kick the snot out Jackson.

Like any good 80's action flick sidekick, Curtis appreciates a man who can smack him silly, and the two become great friends. From that point on Joe survives an ambush, discovers that a weapons smuggler by the name of Ortega (Don Stewart) is commanding the mysterious ninjas that attacked his envoy and proceeds to take on the smugglers and their ninja buddies with the aid of his new buddy, Curtis.

So is American Ninja a good movie? Well… yes and no. Your assessment of the film will depend on your tolerance for cheesy 80's entertainment. If you are seeking a work of art, look elsewhere, but if you are looking for pure unadulterated fun filled with every cliché in the book, American Ninja has your name written all over it. You'll even witness the mystical old oriental man that answers questions with an amazing lack of clarity:

Joe: Who are you?
Man: You will know when the time is right. Our paths will meet again.
Joe: What do you mean?
Man: Your karma and mine – they are connected. Go!

Wow… that karma stuff is real deep. In fact it's the stuff that drug-induced debates are made of. Or high school philosophy classes.

The action starts early and never stops, and although it's a definite cheesefest (hell, the lead ninja's gloves contain a flamethrower, a multi-barrel gun and even a laser, all snuggled underneath the tightly wrapped cloth!) it's a very well choreographed one. You'll also find a wide variety of ninja instruments used throughout the film ranging from throwing stars to ninja climbing claws, and of course modern instruments of war such as missiles and machine guns. The best of both worlds!

You don't watch these types of films for the brilliant acting, so suffice it to say American Ninja contains the standard stuff. Some actors' performances stunk like a New York sewer on a humid hundred-degree day, while others like Michael Dudikoff, Steve James and Don Stewart were great fun to watch.

Ultimately you'll know whether this film is for you based on the examples I cited above. Stuffy film critics need not apply, but if you're in the mood for 90 minutes of mindless tomfoolery, American Ninja is a must for your viewing list.

Movie rating: 7 stars

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